why 5 months later, Im still stunned and grieving! I deal with people daily and do not like my job. We married at age 19. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. We have two adult children and want I so feel everyones painandI am so sorry, Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasnt well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. I feel as though Im nothing. I missed Mike so much and felt guilty for his death as I had felt I should have been more responsive to Mikes medical condition. In these first weeks it is so easy to put your body under extreme stress. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. So nothing. But you know what just like people say theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. I got on to all three of them cinema text message . Today she would've turned 3. I just want to hold my son, tell him I love him, see his beautiful smile not just one more day but forever. One of the other time not so pleasant with her saying what are you going to do now I just know that no matter what happened in our lives good or bad is that I Love her and miss her so much and i now realize how much she Loved myself and her children after finding letters that she has written over the years telling us how much she Loved us and how much she wanted to get better and how much she wanted her family back. People dont understand the loss. My Husband passed away unexpectedly on Dec 1, 2013. So it is a major move, but I am waiting until the end of the year or beginning 01-01-19 to make sure it is for the right reasons. That actually happened a few times 2 of which seemed very real. It left me very melancholy. Never had a negative His sister, my Mum died when I was 13 & lived in Ireland (he lived in the UK), our life turned inside out, no real help, Father ignored us, out looking for another & drinking heavily. I met my husband at 16 years old married at 18, we were married 41 1/2 years. Alongside accessible housing issues, my own health & disability, money & other things, I have found depression & acute anxiety being an issue. Its just that sometimes a song, a memory, or something someone says rips it open again, and you have to let all the emotions out so you can heal again. Now we are in the holiday season. Year two was when reality somehow knocked on the door; it was terrible. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and challenges to my health and mental wellness. He was 13 years older than me but it never mattered until he got congestive heart failure. But expectations are a big part of our mindset, even when were not in the stages of grief. Im now 47. My oldest daughter invited use all and her boyfriend to have Xmas dinner at hers. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. We were and still are devastated. My two. He sent me an email before he died. I continue to struggle everyday with my loss. I found The Five Wishes online to be a friendly way to opening the discussion of dying. Then then 13m on, a huge ugly cry at new yeartook me to the next step of thinking i was ok. I lived off cake, pie, candy & other sweets. 2nd year I didnt know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. The reply by this self-titled old guy might just change the way you approach life and death. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. It's the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones. But you learn that youll survive them. Were in the club that no one wants to join. Rest, and take care of your body and mind, and let grief do its work. When dad started to become frailer we asked them to move back to England so we could help take care of dad if he became more frail. I beg for him to come home every day. I keep thinking if I try and do things like he used to, he will be happy when he comes back and then I remember. Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. everywhere. Im still waiting for that window, Glad to find this article, I was married 55 plus years to a wonderful man. He used to say i was the wind beneath his wings oh, he had that so wrong, as i am stuck on the ground with not even a breeze under my wingsI do know how blessed i was to have had the 46 years with the love of my life. 14 months ago we were enjoying lunch together at home as we had for years. I am so grateful for them. Then, I felt nothing. There seems no point although I try to pray. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. These powerful first-person stories explore . I lost my wife on December 2017 to cancer. com. I dont know what to do.. My Son Died 10 Years Ago. My Love for Him Never Stopped. - Insider I still have to live. Thank God, we have 4 children and 10 grandchildren. I lost my mother (and I was her caregiver) in early 2017 (basically congenital heart failure, but she fail on what I consider a good day for her and never recovered and passed away the next day). I managed him somehow . I also wonder if the fact that I just turned 60 this summer, dont have much other close family, unable to work & my life restricted by disability, pain levels & not driving, are added in to the mix. I was sitting there totally blank, I want to cry knowing he wont be able to come home with us but theres nothing, I was trying to processed what happened but I just dont get it. After 6 months had passed I decided to go to the scene of the accident. I feel ache all over my body. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0. I take one step then the next then the next. Just keep pushing onward and live while you are still able to. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. I have no fuse left, everything makes me mad and Im forever yelling at everyone and sometimes I even throw things. I am finding this second year incredibly hard to deal with. We are all torn apart. Im trying. Christmas is upon us. Always believe she would come back..I dont tell anyone how much I miss her as nobody lisen to me, just say move ondont know what to do and how to live. I know she feels depressed. Im not sure if people are afraid to ask me over to their house or what. There is not a day when I do not think of you. I shall not know in this lifetime. What to say to a friend who lost their mom or dad - Vox He let me sleep late as part of my anniversary gift, and so that day i never told him Good Morning, nor have a good day, nor Goodbye. The Debt Ceiling in 2023: An In-Depth Analysis of Government Debt it has suddenly hit home I will never get on that plane to see him, Ill never be able to bring him home and look after him like he looked out for me. I had him cremated. Others think you are strong and doing fine. Like everyone else who has had a loss the pain seems to go on and on. I got a small wave around what would have been our wedding anniversary, but they keep coming as Thanksgiving gets nearer, and theyre a little more frequent, and severe. I have found the experience to be brutal, stripping, sapping, and completely devastating. It's been 21 days or more since you e-filed your return ; It's been six weeks since you mailed a paper tax return ; Where's My Refund? Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. how nice it would be to have friends who are dealing with similar grief. Biden's $1.5 trillion budget proposal also did not call for funding for the construction of the border wall. But I still have so many questions. Time so far has not lessened the loss even though I am involved in many activities outside the home, he is always there. March 27th of this year she was placed on hospice. I have not hit 2 years yet. But heres my two cents. I know its partly because we discussed these remodels b4 he passed & I find myself turning 2 ask his opinion & hes not there. No warning no leading up to illness. What to do now with the time Im given and the people before me? My faith keeps me standing, keeps me from losing it again. This article is the best Ive read ever on this subject! Create Art. He died in his sleep. 1 time she was just glowing and smiling but did not talk. My mom will be gone 2 years this coming May. I just found a counselor that I will see the end of July. How could you leave me alone? Desperately, that it sometimes hurt to breathe. Its been very hard the first year it was like living in a blur I manage but it was hard. Being alone is the worst. That loss, and pain will ease, and of course we break down and cry. Ill NEVER see him again. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my days balanced on this double edged sword! The short answer is no. He was 70 years old. There is a scripture in the Bible says a time for everything. Peace be with you all. My mom died of cancer in January 2017 so I am approaching the one year anniversary mark. It is almost relieving to have a physical representation of what is occurring on the inside. For me going into this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the loss. It helps to try and be as present in the moment as I can yet still I have no appetite. I am not the same person I was. I go to the cemetery once a month, but it still doesnt seem like hes there. People told me after the first year it would get better. I dont feel like I can face a future without him. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I dont do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things. -R, I feel so sad reading your story. Anything would be better than this. i am finding it more difficult with each passing day . I was in the a state of shock and was just sick for weeks. I was so grief stricken as we had done everything possible to make a good life for him, he was our SON SUN. She died at the age of six from a 1 in a million chance disorder called fires. Im in the 3rd yrs of losing my brother and its been so hard then four weeks ago my other brother died! Now I was worried am I on the rebound am I needing to be with anyone . It's been 3 months since my husband passed. Everyone expects after 2 or so weeks your life is back to normal, little do they know that reality has not yet hit you. I miss you so much. Im going into my 2nd year of the loss of my son August 5, w2017.. he was murdered at the age of 23. I hate my life and wish to die daily. One day in a moment of clarity she told me how her mind was working, well kind of. I dont feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. Such strength. I can hardly read through all my tears for me and for everyones post were not alone. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! Darak, You are still here so, you are in a sense moving on. Nothing. Sweetie I understand completely. Am I wrong? We where married for 29 years. Im tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. Doctors once said I would never be able to conceive. Thank you. Michael was a gifted guitar player. Stay open to the idea of hope and optimism but dont set a timeline for its arrival. The second year is different in many ways, first that some people expect you to be over it. I hope you have found it and are working your way through all of this that we are all battling. I have come to realize for myself that I ultimately need to move rid myself of too many artifacts of our life. Holly, I cant breathe sometimes. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. I would do anything to hear the words mommy. This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. It isnt any easier if it happens early or later than anticipated. We see your attributes and qualities in each other and in our children and we know you are living on through those you loved." "It's been three years since you left us, father, and you are still in my heart. I will be praying for both of us. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. Strange to say but after reading all the comments I feel validated. So young, we promised to grow old together 10 shortyears. I understand now that he is gone but the yearning has been unbearable lately. I can talk to them. You are a child of the universe and have been left here for a reason. She steadily lost the ability control her body, then the ability to speak. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. But life sure is hard at times and not having my kids to support me and love me and just be there for me its hard but I am a survivor always have been and I always will be. Ive had cancer & this is far more painful on a daily basis. I cant imagine going through thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year without her sweet smile. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster . Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. Stay alive. l started walking with a group of people who have lost there partners over the last few years and its helped all of us to talk about our partners ,we go out to movies and shows as a group of 22 men and women in our 60 to 80s.All say the second year is the hardest,whats good about our a couple have hooked up and going strong by just being with someone . My spouse died suddenly also. Speaking t I someone, helps because death can be trmatic, Its 3.43am another sleepless night and reading through everyones stories trying to grasp some sense of belonging knowing others understand my pain. 5) Death thinks it can take you away from me. He was my hero,Everything reminds me of him, Memories of our 8 year 28 day travel schedule, I was his caregiver, I been so hard to believe.. my superman is no longer here to talk to run ideas by, dinner movies, what our favorite shows like shark Tank, Love dtorties with, Exercise with,fuss with,getaways,dance with, hugs.. alll the above.