My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk. The waiter says, "What's with the pause?" Whats the difference between your wife and your job? It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. 17. Whats the best part about gardening? A lip reader. No? You can always serve as a bad example. Her navel. He told me to stop going to those places. The bear shrugged. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #whendidiask, #whendidweask . I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. Read more about Martin here. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. 10 Best Funny Riddles. He pasta-way. You might love your life, but I think it just wants to be friends. Low flying airplane noises! Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? They're his watch dogs. Hey! Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? It was two tired. This is another funny response that will make the question asker seem much dumber than they already do. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? } Because below, we've put together a long list of the funniest jokes the internet has to offer. Why do geese fly south in the winter? 200 Best Reader's Digest Jokes of All Time If you buy from a link, we may earn a commission. That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. The funny responses are more for getting a good laugh out of the group around you than trying to come out on top and seeming smart. This is another funny response that will leave the question asker feeling confused and dumbfounded while also returning to them the disrespect that they have shown you. He kept leaving little messages around the house. What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? They lift them up and slam them on the ground. Ouch! One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Whether youre looking to shut down someone in an argument or want some witty responses up your sleeve, these comebacks will do the trick. You know youve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows. 8. Gardening Jokes + Printable Cards. Youre late! she yells. It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. Watch popular content from the following creators: Aimzy(@aimzygg), jordan(@jjsshenanigans), sam(@.samceline), Human(@_that_human_being_), Sophia Voropaeva(@_sopha21), jamal(@jamallxoxo), camille ;)(@111camillee), Jafiki(@jafiki), (@user1118012706685), Bacon vs Emos on this acc(@savage.bacon68) . You wait here, I'll go on ahead. Not by a long shot. How did a card's friends know she was enamored with someone? 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At, 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up, 80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. Descartes replies, I think not and promptly disappears. So whether youre dealing with a hater or just somebody whos generally uninterested, here are 14+ clean comebacks for who cares and nobody cares., Read next: 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation. Just stare blankly at the person who asked you that and say nothing. Nobody asked you, either, but it seems that we all have to listen. What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? You're not completely useless. Your opinion is very important to me. Its a win-win! Its a way of shutting down a conversation, of refusing to engage with new ideas. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.". Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). Dude, your dicks hanging out. You planet. Whats the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? There are few things more frustrating than feeling like youre being ignored. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your faceonce you shove them down the stairs, that is. OK, now you say, Control Freak who?. What did one say to the other? The Best Dad Jokes 2023. Knock Knock Whos there? Because they're really good at it. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper? What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. "Are you gay?". Must be none of your business then. Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. Then, use one of the above witty comebacks to shut them down! Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". Between you and me, something smells. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Fish Lunch Box Jokes + Printable Cards. You know we always have the funniest jokes up our sleeve, whether youre searching for short jokes, corny jokes, or even bad jokes you cant help but chuckle at. Here's your ultimate list of 100 plus why jokes and puns that is sure to tickle your ribs. The batroom. Here are some witty comebacks to Did I ask?: The best response to did I ask is to remain calm and try not to overreact. On June 15th, 2011, Neogaf [5] user Dizzy-4U used the line as a humorous response in a thread. A slipper. A funny response can be to pretend to not understand the question. In many cases, these and the previously-suggested formulas are no more than conversational fillers; the direct approach of just asking the question you want to ask often is a better thing to do. Because he had a great fall. Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird. By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. 43. Is it in?. Exaggerations have become an epidemic. However, its not always rude. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. xhr.send(payload); Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: This response is funny because it turns the situation around on the question asker. These classic What did? Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke. Discover short videos related to did i ask jokes on TikTok. A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. The other guy replies, "You're, What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Because they're very good at it. An impasta. person two: where? You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Your Mom. Knock Knock! Youre getting mayo all over my bed!, Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Now do you get it? 23. You think youre funny, but youre snot!. Hot, because you can catch cold. I took a poop in the elevator. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? Oh look! You spread its little legs. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones? Who asked / nobody asked gained popularity in reaction images in . There is the attention you were looking for. Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up. document.addEventListener( 'DOMContentLoaded', function() { What did the big flower say to the little flower? I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. The Satisfactory. Robin who? To. 70 Hilariously Funny Jokes - Absolutely Hilarious Jokes to Tell Because theyre used to eating nuts. Why is history like a fruit cake? When did you take a joke too far, and what happened? Because, as mentioned above, the question implies that the question asker does not care about what the person they asked it to has to say. He wanted his quarter back. Because he neverlands. It lightens the weights we carry in life, uplifts our moods, and bonds us to those we share in it with. The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. Some annoying people ask, Who asked? after you tell a story. You wait here. Well-armed. Why was six afraid of seven? With a mon-key. 1Forrest1. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. There are twenty of them. Id never advise you to be rude, but I understand why some people are frustrated. What do you call a boomerang that wont come back? The other cow says, "Why would I care? A tomato in an elevator. When did I ask: what is it? What does it mean? - Definder I hope Death is a woman. They have many fans. What did the O say to the Q? 1. What did the left eye say to the right eye? You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next! Urban Dictionary: When did I ask? Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Later on, the girl is yelling, Cheese cheese, tomato tomato! The younger brother says, Stop making sandwiches! Kid 1: Hey, I bet youre still a virgin., When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper You did this.. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. Why are YOU shaking? Why do bees have sticky hair? when did i ask jokes 26.2M viewsDiscover short videos related to when did i ask jokes on TikTok. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. The redhead says it looks like cum. Kid: who asked? What's Forrest Gump's email password? 1. Why did the cow jump over the moon? What did the tree say to the tree surgeon? On some occasions, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. Don't care + didn't ask + L + Ratio + soyjak + beta + cringe + stfu + cope + seethe + ok boomer + incel + virgin + Karen + + you are not just a clown, you are the entire circus + + nah this ain't it + do better + check your privilege + pronouns in bio + anime pfp + . Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? 3. Find out here! Whos there? A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Why did the candle quit his job? Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can. But there are ways to counter it. Da brie was everywhere. The box a penis comes in. Just another reason to moan, really. Funny responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like at a party or during a conversation with friends. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? Hear that? Usually, when someone asks did I ask you? they are not being genuine. Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? But if you're a math teacher or a parent trying to help your kids (keyword: trying) with their math homework, you know a good laugh is exactly what the doctor ordered. History is usually no laughing matter, but sometimes we can't help but LOL at modern interpretations of the past. Because theyre really good at it. Explanation: The worlds population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for. 3. 100 Funny Jokes To Tell Your Crush - Easy Recipes, Printables, And Fun is the thing only people in Ohio do."*. Did you hear the one about the roof? Cereal pleasure to meet you! No, but you need all the help you can get. Manage Settings What do you call a fake noodle? Also, sometimes saying nothing is the right response. Cereal who? 24. Whats long and hard and full of semen? Spit, swallow, gargle. "Make me one with everything.". The dont meet the koalafications. What did the left eye say to the right eye? What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost? What do you call a pig that does karate? To get to the other side. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Totally shocked. I know because they told me. said the man in the orthopedic shoes. Become the master of pun by memorizing some of these why jokes. One was a-salted. Explanation: Youve probably heard the saying If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousand times. Well, consider this the math joke versionyou know, because math equations use letters in place of unsolved numbers. I dont know how to do it. Why do bees have sticky hair? Whos there? Right where you left it. Between you and me, something smells. Carol Yepes/ Getty Images. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? I don't know, and I don't care. By making him one with everything, the hot dog vendor is connecting him to a spicy dog, mustard, and sauerkraut. Whos there? Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. Not to mention, it can also keep the kids busy while you're busy. 22. Got a PS5 for my little brother. "I'm a. Hilarious Valentine's Joke: How Did the Orca Pop the Question? I had to put my foot down. Reporter: Excuse me, may I interview you?. What does it take to make an octopus laugh? Check the 2nd part of "Funny, Stupid & Hilarious Jokes" . Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . We've even broken things down by category so that you know which jokes will land best among your audience. What did one pencil say to the other pencil? Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. A four-chin teller. 100 Funny Why Jokes And Puns That Are Rib Tickling - Shake Jump! A happy uncle. A horse walks into a bar. I don't know how I feel about that. What do you call an expert fisherman? I didnt ask you for a response and yet you gave one. The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. What washes up on very small beaches? They did unspeakable things to me. 32 Savage Comebacks for "Who Asked", "Did I Ask", "Nobody Asked," etc I guess it's just not in the cards for me. She couldn't control her pupils. What you can ask Google Assistant - Google Assistant Help 33. The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news.". #challenge #experiment There were two goldfish in a tank. My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. Explanation: Bach was, of course, another famous composer, so Beethovens chickens were pecking away at his ego. Some might even make your eyes roll. A cocker-poodle boo. and our By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor. We have some cool puns to add to your collection: Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. All while making the question asker look dumb. Knock Knock! Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. Someones always willing to blow your bonus. This joke makes light of changing churches. A crane! A limbo champ walks into a bar. What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? Condoms have evolved: theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? If at first you dont succeed, stop trying already. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? What do you call a hippie's wife? Because there were a lot of knights. What do you get from a pampered cow? Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don't say we didn't warn you. I was kidnapped by mimes once. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. 34. I decided to compile a list of comebacks for who asked, did I ask, and nobody asked or cares because its getting ridiculous out there. They dont actually want to know if they asked you. Funny Cortana Commands, Questions, Jokes, Replies - Video - Smart Living Making it very clear that the question asker was being rude. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me. This response shows that you really dont care that you werent asked. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? Then why are you still talking? Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! These funny jokes will help you turn your frown upside-down. Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? It needed help figuring out its problems. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? He worked it out with a pencil. This ability to anonymously put your thoughts out there for others to see leads people to frequently type and publish things they would NEVER say to someone's face. As I mentioned, this page contains a list of funny question you can ask Cortana. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? There's a new alarming warning about this popular dog food brand. You just have to listen varicosely. Well it's your lucky day, because we've got . It is a pretty rude thing to say. It loafs. Because he's got little legs. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. His wife asked me if I could say a quick word. There is a conversation happening and you decide to give your opinion or correct a statement and someone looks at you and responds did I ask you? Its one of those moments where after the fact you think of something very funny or clever to respond with, but in the moment you are left in shocked silence. The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!". Always remember: Youre just as unique as everybody else. Originally Published: May 29, 2019 When kids want to laugh, they rarely turn to their math homework for jokes. I wonder how many people are in that field. Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. Well. Tap To Copy. But John came fifth and won a toaster. They always take things literally. Whats the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. Knock-Knock Jokes. If someone ever asks you who asked you, have one of these good comebacks for who asked ready to roll. 9. 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At - Best Life The infantry. After all, roses may be red, violets may be blue, but one thing's for surewe've got the all-time greatest Valentine's jokes for you! Please stay on the line until you hear the beep forvoicemail. "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. If you're here, who's running hell? The Best Corny Dad Jokes | Pun.me Ill go on a head. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" This response is funny because it means nothing but will likely leave the question asker dumbfounded and therefore making them look dumb to everyone else. 69 with three people watching. Last updated: Feb 09, 2023 Jokes and Riddles For Kids and Adults to Solve. Because their horns don't work! Explanation: The French philosophers most famous line is I think, therefore I am. His least famous line: Is this seat taken?. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? The guy in the middle says, Wow thats funny, I dreamed I was skiing., A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. A cheese factory exploded in France. Beano Jokes Team. He only comes once a year. The 69 Best Dick Jokes Ever - Penis Jokes - Men's Health Person 2: Who's there? The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. Then, use one of the witty comebacks listed above to silence them! My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. The bear shrugged. Keep up with Mlanie on Instagram, Twitter and melanieberliet.com. What did one wall say to the other? If you dont like what I have to say, you are free to walk away or share your own story. Why did the chicken cross the road? Control Freak. 7. In cases like this, we need some clever comebacks to put them in their place. Because every play has a cast. How To Break Up With Someone Toxic/Narcissistic Safely And Never Look Back, The Best Outfits From Daisy Jones And The Six That Make Me Wish It Was 1975, Signs You Lack Self-Love (And How To Develop It), 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists, How To Channel Main Character Energy Like Daisy Jones & The Six. You boil the hell out of it. What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. Not all men are annoying. Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. Lick-a-lotta-puss. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. Me! Of course, you need to screw a light bulb. Copy it to easily share with friends. As you can see, there are plenty of comebacks for who asked, nobody cares, etc. How do you stop a bull from charging? What is the square root of 69? By the taste. Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. Fuck you said who? What's E.T. All day thought-provoking questions Funny coffee jokes, check out the funniest Reader s! There's a time and a place for well-crafted, sophisticated, complex jokes that you have to have a certain level of knowledge or experience to even get. Oh, I didnt tell you? Which is faster, hot or cold? 22. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. Explanation: The setup of the joke calls for a To who? response, in which To is standing in for a person. You won't stop laughing at these 10 jokes! | Articles | CBC Kids Your parents didnt ask for you, but here we are. He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. 4. Think Im sarcastic? Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? The pupils they dilate. If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. Pirate Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards. I Never Asked for This | Know Your Meme I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone asks did I ask you, you decide to give them a funny response. He ate the pizza before it was cool. Cookie Notice When When When When When When When. Why did the pony have to gargle? Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. Lawyer Jokes That Are Criminally Hilarious | Reader's Digest Canada Hmmm, I guess you can see how much I care over there (then point to an empty hallway or somethinh similar) then grin. It is all about reading a room and assessing a situation when you have to decide between a clever or funny response. Dont forget to browse these biology jokes that really cell themselves. Aye matey. According to Mason, expose them to as much as possible and that includes jokes. Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. Keep the tip. I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. 40. ThanksI'll never part with it. Urban Dictionary: Did I ask 31 Jokes About Work That'll Make Even Your Boss Laugh - Distractify